Congrats — you're a dad-to-be! We're betting you've already thought about what kind of father you'll be (an excellent one), what kind of mother your partner will be (equally wonderful, of course), and what the two of you might name your baby. We're also betting you're wondering what your sex life will be like during the next nine months.
Whether you're psyched ("bigger breasts!") or scared ("will I hurt the baby?"), read on for everything you need to know about making love after making a baby.
She Really Is "Too Tired"
Your partner's body is building a baby from scratch — and that takes a lot of energy. Besides the fact that almost all of her biological resources are going toward creating a human, extra doses of progesterone surge into her blood supply during early pregnancy, making her super-sluggish and sleepy. And don't forget about the nausea she's probably battling. So don't be surprised — or offended — if your former night owl is ready for bed at 8 p.m. these days. She really is too tired for much of anything, let alone sex. (If she's fatigued all day and can't shake it, suggest she get checked for anemia. A shortage of healthy red blood cells, caused by an iron deficiency, affects about half of all pregnant women and could be what's making her feel so wiped.)
Then Again, Your Baby-Mama Might Want It All Night Long
Some women are more revved up than ever during pregnancy. The same capricious hormones that leave other moms-to-be feeling drained can make some feel fabulously frisky. Plus, the increased blood flow that accompanies pregnancy could be engorging her vulva, making her extra sensitive and more "ready" for sex. Take advantage of your honey's hot-to-trot-ness, but make sure she still gets plenty of sleep — important for her health and the baby's. And don't mistake her souped-up sex drive for a lack of maternal instinct. All women are different — and motherhood and lust are not mutually exclusive.
The Second Trimester Is Your Best Bet
Unless you're one of those lucky devils whose partner is hot and bothered all nine months, set your sexy sights on the second trimester. Why? During the first trimester, your partner's libido is likely dampened by anxiety (will this pregnancy stick?), morning sickness, and energy-sucking hormones. By the time the third trimester rolls around, she'll be pooped and achy from lugging around a nearly formed human in her belly all day. That leaves the second trimester as a welcome respite from the rigors of expecting, a period when many women exhibit that pregnancy glow and experience a return of energy and well, horniness. It's a time that's often recommended for taking a "babymoon" — one last pre-baby vacation. It's also the perfect time for that favorite babymoon activity: making love.
Your Baby Won't Get Hurt When You Get Busy
Rest assured: Your penis does not come in contact with the baby during sex. Your tot is well protected inside her fluid-filled amniotic sac. And a mucus plug seals off your partner's cervix (which opens into the uterus) to protect against infection. Nor will your baby somehow "know" that her parents are getting it on. As far as she's concerned, floating in her cocoon, her mama is just taking a (very) brisk walk.
Not That You Do This Anyway…
Okay, there is one sexual activity that is considered high-risk during pregnancy, so we are obligated to disclose it. During oral sex, do not force or purposely blow air directly into her vagina. Doing so may (very rarely) cause an air embolism to block a blood vessel, a life-threatening condition for both your partner and the baby. Another oral-sex warning: If you have an active outbreak of oral herpes, abstain from performing cunnilingus until it resolves to avoid passing the infection along. During the third trimester, forgo oral sex altogether if you've ever had oral herpes, even if you're not currently exhibiting symptoms.
Try New Positions
While intercourse won't harm your baby in utero, rough sex or some of your favorite pre-pregnancy positions may no longer be comfortable for your partner. Avoid the missionary position after month four, when the weight of her uterus could put pressure on major blood vessels (women are advised not to sleep on their backs, as well, in the second half of pregnancy). Encourage your partner to go on top where she can control the pace and pressure, or try intercourse from behind while she rests on her elbows and knees. A spooning position works well, too. Experiment!
You Must Remain Odor-Free at All Times
If you haven't already noticed, your wife's sniffer is sharper than a hound dog's these days, thanks to the extra estrogen circulating in her body. The scent of hot dogs on a street cart or steamed broccoli in a salad bar can send her running for the loo. Foods aren't the only smells that might trigger her gag reflex, though. She can detect body odor more than ever and won't be able to stay in the same room, let alone bed, with a slightly stinky you. The takeaway: Stay clean. But wait! Even the scents of your soap, shampoo, aftershave, and cologne (which used to drive her wild) may cause her to puke in her pillow now. For the next nine months, if you want any chance with her at all, stick to unscented cleaners, lotions, and deodorants, and skip the cologne altogether.
Sex May Induce Labor
Although there is no hard scientific proof, many doctors suggest intercourse as a natural way to get things going for a full-term or overdue mama-to-be. Semen contains a hormone called prostaglandin, which may stimulate the cervix and cause contractions (so if you're hoping to stimulate labor sexually, be sure to ejaculate inside your partner's vagina). But don't worry: Sex won't cause premature labor in an otherwise healthy pregnancy. If your partner is ready to get this baby out, she's likely ready to give anything a try. So make your move, Papa.
When to Just Cuddle Instead
While sex is perfectly safe during most healthy pregnancies, there are some circumstances that may require restraint. Your doctor may advise against sex if your partner has a history of preterm labor, placenta previa (when the placenta covers the cervix), cervical insufficiency (when her cervix begins to shorten and open up prematurely), or a dilated cervix. Sex may also be a no-go if your partner has had unexplained vaginal bleeding or abdominal cramping. If you have an STD, talk to your doctor about what's safest. If you have genital herpes, for example, you'll need to avoid sex when you have an outbreak during the first and second trimesters, then skip it altogether — whether or not you have symptoms — during the third. If your doctor does give you a no-sex edict, find out exactly what that means for the two of you: Does it just mean no intercourse? Can your partner have an orgasm? Is oral sex okay?
Tell Her She Looks Great — No Matter What
During pregnancy, a woman loses control of her own body to accommodate the life of her growing baby. This can be scary for many women who may worry that their bodies will never be the same again. While your partner knows her physical transformation is all for a good cause, that doesn't mean she won't be freaked out. She needs lots of reassurance from you that you still find her attractive and sexy. Besides, what's not to love about fuller hair, voluptuous hips, and a belly full of baby? Help her see the beauty of her changing body, too.
-Divine Grace-
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